How much confrontation have you dealt with of late? Either you have been confronted or you had to initiate the contact in some way. From my study regarding this day and time, confrontation seems to have a negative connotation. It is the dealing with things that are often unpleasant or when there is a disagreement.
I am amazed at how confrontational people and society have become. I have concluded that there are some, perhaps many, in our land that intentionally stir up controversies and confrontations.
More and more, we are confronted with that which is against the values that we hold dear. It can come through people directly, through policy and things that go on in society, and through television, music, etc. Those behind it do not mind getting in your face – just daring you to say anything against their view.
There are three little words that often come up when confrontation or disagreements arise – and they are not “I love you!” These three words are: “That offends me!” That has become the slogan of the day.
What are you supposed to do if someone says they are offended by what you say or do? Are you going to jump through a bunch of hoops and change what you say, do or believe? Anyone can say they are offended by something but that doesn’t mean they are. The next time someone says they are offended by something, ask them if they could prove it. Could they show something in their daily lives, how they conduct themselves, or what they believe that demonstrates a true conviction concerning why they would be offended? More times than not, I suspect it would be difficult for many to show a lifestyle or conviction that would really justify being offended.
I do not know many who decide what they do based on whether someone is supposedly offended or not. I believe our standard should be what is right or wrong, not whether someone says they are offended. Of course the standards of right and wrong seem to be somewhat cloudy. I do not remember them being too cloudy when I was coming up – it is likely the case with you also. That why it is so important to have clear standards of right and wrong in your life.
The next time someone promotes an idea or addresses something with you that you think is a little off the wall, ask them why they think their idea is right. Certainly they must – they would not want to promote an idea that is wrong. It might surprise you how many people cannot justify what they promote on a basis of right and wrong. If this line of reasoning begins to generate some confrontation, you might get this question: “Who are you to decide right and wrong?” An easy answer: Somebody will!!!
That is the great struggle in our society today and indeed in our households. We see the government seeming to continually encroach in this area – telling us what is right and wrong – what you are going to do and what you are not going to do! With the “diversity of culture” mentality that is running rampant in our society, we also see a great diversity regarding what people think is right and wrong.
Biblical standards of right and wrong used to be pretty prevalent throughout American society – whether people actually realized it or not. These values shaped our character and hopefully caused us to be good and productive citizens. I wonder how many people run their decisions through Biblical standards before they make them? I wonder how many base their decisions on right or wrong?
Getting backing to the “I’m offended” battle, Biblical standards teach us that we should endeavor not to bring offense (also spelled: offence). Certainly we should not be in the business of intentionally going about to offend people. Yet, in standing for the truth and that which is right, Jesus did not back down regardless of anyone’s reaction. We would do well to heed that example.
There is an interesting Biblical passage regarding offense – Matthew 17:24-27. Some people who collected tribute money confronted Peter about whether Jesus would pay tribute. Some have said that this was a type of temple tax or tax by the priests for the work of God. For some reason, Peter answered yes - that is all we know.
When Peter then came to where Jesus was, he stopped Peter and asked him a question. He wanted to know who the kings of the earth received tribute from – their own children or strangers? Peter replied “from strangers”. Jesus said then the children were free (from paying the tax). To me, Jesus was saying he did not owe the temple tax or whatever the religious tax was because his father was indeed the King.
Jesus further said though: “lest we offend them…” – go and do such and such. It is interesting that Jesus tried not to offend people if possible. It is also most interesting that God supernaturally provided the means to satisfy those seeking tribute. That should be a good lesson to us when we are willing to go the extra mile to avoid offense when possible.
Dealing with confrontation is usually not easy or pleasant, but it is often necessary. It is helpful to realize that even when there is a difference of opinion or point of view, it does not have to end a relationship or strain it beyond repair. You can still have a great relationship with someone you may disagree with from time to time. If that is the case, your Christian maturity is definitely developing on a good foundation.
My advice – the next time to confront an issue, be sure you have a good right and wrong foundation and not just because you feel you have been offended. It is going to be interesting to see how this concept plays out.
